While I was I pregnant with Malachi, I didn't realize how much anxiety I had. I would lay down for bed at night and picture the most horrific scenes of things happening to my kids or family. It was crazy!
After Malachi was born, I would picture his birth over and over. Still as horrifying as the others, if not more because it was real. Even with a sleeping pill, I would only sleep for 4 hours a night. That was for the first two nights at least after he was born. I get a little more sleep now, it's been a bit over 2 weeks since his birth/death. I do sleep a bit more, but even after sleeping however long I feel exhausted.
God has given me peace about Malachi's birth and death, so I don't picture that or anything else horrifying before going to sleep. However my new fear is of losing another child if I become pregnant again. I know that my likely hood of it happening again is very slim. But it still scares me!
Will we try again? Probably...when? I have no idea. I'm not going to share that information on here..sorry!
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