Moving Forward and Onward!

                           Malachi's tiny feet 2/19/13

To Update the last post: Stuck on the Fence of Transition. I did go to the Grief Counselor and found out I am perfectly normal and ahead of the curve, probably due to the fact that I had a few weeks of preparation before I actually knew anything about Malachi's status for certain. I kept asking for some sort of formula on what comes next in this process or how to move forward, since I felt stuck. She said there wasn't any certain formula or guidelines on how to move forward. I'm a very black and white person who likes things spelled out for her in clear and plain English. The answer she gave me of, " In time, it will come and you will move on." That didn't help me what so ever, or at least I didn't think it did at the time. A couple of days later I had a nice revelation from Malachi himself, or so I think and feel. Anyways, below is a status update I shared with my family and friends on Facebook. :


Over the past week I've really struggled with moving forward and on with my life while leaving someone so precious behind. The guilt and fear of some sort has just held me back to some extent. Yesterday it was like I could feel Malachi saying, "It's okay mommy!" I haven't had that feeling before or that kind of peace. It was amazing and overwhelming. Sure I've felt Jesus tell me that it's all going to be okay and I've had the peace of knowing that Malachi is with Jesus, but never have I felt the gentle touch of my son hold my heart in his tiny hands and just say, " It's okay mommy!" But that's what it felt like! I guess I owe it to him to live a life worthy of being his mommy and my other kids mommy. It's not a task I take lightly and many days I feel like I fail or fall short of the vision I had of being a stellar mother, but it is also the greatest calling I believe I and many others have received! So, here's to my little man loving on me from Heaven. I'll walk ahead and hold him in my heart always! Happy Easter everyone! :D


What next? What does forward and onward look like for me now? Good questions! I have a few things in mind, but will share those at a later date. It's getting too late and I've got an early morning ahead of me.