Lesson 1: Health
Take Better Care of Yourself Mom!
Photo/Image Credit: Arian Armstrong (amazing artist btw)
In April of last year (2012), I got copper poisoning. It was horrible! I thought I was dying, literally. I got jaundice and every joint in my body hurt and was swollen. I looked like I was 3 months pregnant or more and was physically ill. But I wasn't sure how to get healthy again, other than to remove what was causing my illness.
I did start taking herbal supplements that helped to regain balance in my body and eventually bring me back to some sort of functional health. Mentally, I still felt out of touch with reality and struggled with anxiety and depression, which for me was nothing new. It's something I've struggled with since I was a teenager. Although this health scare did knock a little bit of sense into me, I still just didn't feel right for months.
In October we found out we were expecting Malachi. I was a little nervous, wondering if my copper levels had gone down to safe levels. I know that excess copper can be dangerous to pregnancies. Is that what caused Malachi's demise? We will never know. But I don't think so.
After losing Malachi in February. I felt like God used that as a brick to my head telling me, "You really need to take better care of yourself!" I really didn't take care of myself when I was pregnant. I've already had 3 kids and know the do's and don'ts. But at this point, I don't think I was really active in protecting him or myself during this pregnancy. I didn't take my prenatal vitamin as often as I should have, I didn't eat healthy, I ate junk quite often. Did drink a little bit of wine on 2 separate occasions....not more than 1/2 a glass, but I never drank with the other kids. I craved it like it was going out of style and knew that it was okay every once in a while. ( I know some of you right now are probably thinking, 'No wonder!') Oh well, everyone's entitled to their own opinion.I also didn't see a Dr. until I was 19 wks...2 weeks before he passed away. Do I feel guilty or regret these things. Of course! If I could go back and do things differently, I definitely would! But do I think that doing this differently would have had a better outcome? No, honestly I don't.
I don't think it had much to do with me and what I did or didn't do. I have eaten junk with my other kids, I ate what I craved. They all turned out healthy little troopers. I didn't take my prenatal much with my last daughter just like I didn't with Malachi. They would make me sicker. It was just something I would rather replace with the different types of foods with those nutrients or vitamins in them. I felt alright with both of those pregnancies, up until I started to get sick with Malachi...not knowing he had passed. I noticed my stomach had started to feel ill again and I was swelling abnormally. That was about week before I had Malachi, everyone in my family had gotten the stomach flu but me so I thought that's what was going on with me...I was getting the stomach flu. Then 3 days prior to his birth I started to feel even worse and started swelling. I knew something wasn't right. I had an appointment scheduled for the coming Monday and waited until then.
Ok lets get back on track...back to healthy me...
Malachi's death has taught me that there's much more to life even in death and grieving. I can only do so much. What I have control over is me. God had been talking to me before my pregnancy anyways to get healthy, take better care of myself. Watch what things I'm putting into my body and mind and soul.
GMO's...have any of you really looked into what they really are? Scary stuff! And Monsanto? Really!!? I've started to eat more whole foods, unprocessed and I've cut out soda except Sierra Mist. I drink more herbal tea than ever. Take my vitamins regularly and get a pretty decent workout chasing my 3 crazy girls. Although I think I could stand to get some good cardio in sometimes. That will come in time though!
Mind: Surround yourself with positive people who encourage you and lift you up in prayer and in their speech. I've been surrounded by a certain negative person for too long. It is past time to cut ties even if this person happens to be family. Watch what music I was allowing myself to listen to. Is it encouraging? Or vulgar? Or .....? There were many .....?'s. So I've been slowly removing those things.
Soul: Stick close to the Lord in prayer, song and Word! I cannot emphasize these 3 things enough. It is SO easy to stray back into the normal routine of doing things on your own that you feel like I don't have time or need for these things. But they are essential to health and life period!! The enemy can creep in like a thief in the night and steal your joy, peace and patience along with many other parts of you. So bury yourself in Christ, in the sense that the devil can't mess with you, because he's got to go through Christ first to get to you!!! Don't put yourself out there with out your biggest and best protection...Christ!!
So for Malachi and the rest of my family, my health is essential to their lives and well beings as well as mine and I think for the first time I'm starting to understand that better and in a whole new light!
If you are struggling with caring for yourself after your loss. Don't give up hope! Sometimes focusing on your grief will show you how you can better take care of yourself than you could have thought about otherwise. It's kind of weird how it works, but your life is not over. It may only be starting...only differently. Nothing will be normal again, but a new normal...it's up to you to chose if that new normal will be good or bad! I hope you are able to take away a lesson of some kind from my lesson from Malachi and Jesus! Your grief is not your own, God gave it to you and your grieving is different from others, but it is not your own. It has not claimed you, but you need to claim it and not allow it to overcome you. I do pray for you momma's and papa's out there trying to find some good in the midst of the bad. Hang on! It will come around the corner soon. If you haven't read the book, "Heaven is For Real!" you should really read it, I think that is one of the most amazing gifts I have received lately.
I think I will end this post here and hope that someone somewhere gained something out of this post they could use. God bless you all and may you all rest in the arms of our loving Heavenly Father tonight or today like you have not be able to before!
Peace!
No comments:
Post a Comment