After seeing so many pages on Facebook of small children having to have multiple open heart surgeries, fighting cancer and so on. God knew and still knows what I can handle.
I know that a few things in here are things that tick some people off when being said about their lost child. So be warned now.
I know that for some parents the thought of someone saying, "There must have been something wrong with him/her. So be thankful that God took him/her then." really disturbs and ticks people off. But to me, that brings me comfort. God knew I had 3 other little kids to take care of. He knew that I probably couldn't handle juggling one in the hospital because something was wrong or what not. I think I have a mans brain, like I want to fix all the problems and feel helpless when I can't. Or at least be able to comfort when something is wrong or painful. I am thankful that I didn't have to watch Malachi suffer at all and stand helplessly as he struggled or what not.
I don't know how parents get through watching their child in pain day after day. I don't have that kind of strength. So bless those that do!!!
Also, it really ticks me off when people down play the significance of my loss by not coming to grips with theirs and say things like....
"Oh you will/can have more."
"I've had X amount of losses, and you just have to keep going." ......
There are many more, but those are a few that just rip me up inside. I want to scream, run away or punch someone!
I just don't know how some women can be so callouss and careless with their words.
I've also noticed that women that have had miscarriages earlier on tend to not be wounded as deeply as those who have had a stillbirth. Maybe it's the time frame of the amount of time being pregnant and then finding out they've lost their child. I don't know. There might be more bonding time there or something.
We haven't had a memorial service or anything yet. But I think we need to do one soon. I think we need to let those people around us know that Malachi was someone and he is/was important to us! He mattered, we care, we can move on, but please don't expect me or tell me to brush HIM under a rug and forget about him! Let me talk about my son, let me honor him with the words that I can express about his precious life! His life wasn't in vain, it wasn't unwanted! He was like any other child that would die after his parents knew him. Why is it that people get all huffy and uncomfortable when you mention a child that isn't here any longer? I don't expect people to say much if anything, I just want them to listen. I'm not going to be like the bad luck charm around other, I just want a chance to mention my son, just like my daughters who are living. What's so wrong about that?
Below are a few things that have really brought me comfort over the past few weeks.
Malachi's 2 mo. Angelversary was the 19th. I've been doing better emotionally so far this month, but the closer we get to June the deeper the void is feeling.
1 Corinthians 10:3 (The Message)
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
James 1:2-4 (NIV)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Isaiah 48:10
See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
No comments:
Post a Comment